Facing the Bully or the “Be-oss” Head-On
When I started grammar school, I was fortunate. I didn’t have to live under the pressure of intimidation or operate out of fear. That freedom allowed me to grow, learn, and discover my voice. I figured out where I fit and how to play to my strengths without the shadow of bullying looming over me.
But not everyone has that experience. Many people face bullying—whether as kids or later in the workplace. If that’s you, this blog is for you. I want to share some thoughts and practical steps for confronting bullies and reclaiming your power.
The Game-Changer: “We Teach Others How to Treat Us”
An acquaintance once told me, “We teach others how to treat us.” (Credit: DaSean Flournoy) That statement changed everything for me. It reminded me that I have full control in how I respond to challenging people.
Here’s my approach:
Evaluate the relationship. How relevant is this person in my life?
Assess the value. What’s the cost of engaging or disengaging? (Value Added)
In the workplace, I start by grounding myself in what I know best: who I am, what I believe, and what I stand for. I refuse to compromise my integrity for anyone. Yes, I may work for an organization, but I am not their property. They can request, suggest, or even mandate…but fear will never dictate my choices.
Bullies and “Be-osses”: What’s the Difference?
A few years ago, a colleague (Credit: The Real Deal) and I gave a presentation on being a real boss—not a bully or a “Be-oss.” Here’s how we defined them:
A bully stands on a mountain of perceived privilege.
A Be-oss (a playful twist on a word that rhymes with “witch”) stands on a mountain of their own baggage.
Both rely on fear to maintain control. And many of us have encountered these types of individuals, especially those in positions of power.
During one of our presentations, someone asked: “How do you navigate a negative relationship with a person who sits in a seat of power?” At the time, we gave a quick answer. Now, I want to unpack that and share practical steps.
4 Steps to Face the Bully Head-On
Know Yourself
Be clear about your values, strengths, and boundaries.Acknowledge and Face the Fear
Fear loses its grip when you name it and confront it.Be Confident in Your Position
Stand firm in what you bring to the table. (Value Added)Stay Unwavering in How You Want to Be Treated
Respect yourself enough to command respect from others.
…And if leaving the organization becomes necessary, leave on your terms—not out of fear. Take back control of your narrative.
Final Thought
Bullies thrive on fear. The moment you refuse to play by those rules, you reclaim your power. Remember: you teach others how to treat you. Start teaching today.
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